


sleep with one eye open

by thir13enth



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Multi, the shallura is more implied than anything else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thir13enth/pseuds/thir13enth
Summary: At first, Lotor thought the problem was that the Black Paladin didn’t trust him, but now he realizes that perhapsheshouldn’t trust the Black Paladin.





	sleep with one eye open

**Author's Note:**

> sorry about the metallica reference

Lotor is very familiar with being distrusted.

It’s the entirety of his existence — not enough Galran to count as a proper royal, too young to be given secrets, too arrogant to offer wisdom — and at the end of the day, even his own damn army doubted his leadership. But this is okay. Lotor has been sitting with these feelings for his entire life. If he hadn’t figured out how to maintain his self-worth with all of this, he would have never made tens of thousands of years later.

Honestly, he preferred working with people that didn’t trust him anyway. There was an advantage to having no true bonds to anyone. No one would never actually rely on him for anything, and this would leave his time open for just himself. He wouldn’t need to bother with other people’s requests, motivations, or drama.

Yet, here he is, among the Paladins of Voltron, no less, where he suddenly _wants_ to be trusted.

Maybe unconsciously this is what every manipulator wants — greedy for the moments when pieces of other’s hearts are shared, craving for the seeing the crack of other’s shells when they’re at their very worst, hungry for other’s desperation to have a confidante that can understand — but this time, Lotor has no reason to want their trust but his pride.

He’s never wanted to feel like he _belongs_ as much as he does now, and it’s the most strange, most foreign feeling he’s ever carried in his heart.

He already knows what to do in order to gain trust. He shows vulnerability, offers win-win solutions, proves his reliability. The only thing he can’t control is whether _they_ decide to give him a chance, and as it’s clear that they still have their guard up around him, he still has to practice caution.

All the Paladins are watching him, and especially the older Altean, and even more aggressively, the Black Paladin.

The Black Paladin is _always_ watching him.

There’s no mistake. Lotor adopted the Galran sense for the so-called “auras” of living things, and he can pick out exactly who is within 100 meters of him.

Unsurprisingly, the Black Paladin is always setting off his sixth sense — and he can’t mistake it with any other aura. It’s an aura that is undeniably alien like that of the rest of the Earthlings, yet at the same time also peculiarly familiar and reminiscent of other Galrans.

He thinks the clash comes from the human body and Galran arm, but every now and then Lotor catches a yellow glow from the Black Paladin’s eyes and he can’t be entirely sure who — or _what_ — exactly the Black Paladin is.

Lotor has learned to live with it. He shies away from the Black Paladin’s eyes during meetings at the bridge or across the dinner table. He ignores the Black Paladin’s ominous presence with his every step from the very start to the very end of the day, and even sometimes lingering like a dark lullaby as he falls asleep. Somehow, no matter how scattered his day’s agenda is, the Black Paladin eventually finds him — while he’s in the bridge or the engine room or the library — anywhere and anytime without fail.

But soon, Lotor begins to notice that the Black Paladin really only finds him when he’s with Allura and he realizes that maybe the Black Paladin isn’t watching _him_ , but instead watching _her._

Lotor thinks to tell Allura, and he finds quick moments when it’s just the two of them. But every time before he does, he hesitates for the slightest second — because he questions if this all even sounds right coming from him, who she may not completely trust yet — and then the opportunity is lost and _he_ is watching them from afar.

When this happens, Lotor feels his pulse rise in his chest, a frown harden over his mouth, and his hands clench so hard into fists that his fingernails dig into his palms.

He feels _protective_ towards her. He wants to tell her that something is very wrong and he wants to warn her and keep her _safe_. It’s a strange feeling for him; he’s never extended feelings beyond himself, but then again, the princess has made him feel many ways that he’s never felt before.

So this time, he doesn’t waver. This time, he calls to her at the very second he can.

“Allura,” he says. His voice falters a little bit.

“Yes?” she replies — first, with a grin, but then she sees his furrowed eyebrows and her smile flattens. “What’s wrong?”

Lotor hesitates. “If I can be honest to you, Princess,” he preempts.

“Of course.”

He pauses again. One wrong phrasing and he could mess it all up. “I am concerned about one of your Paladins,” he starts.

Just as he expects, her eyes harden. She is very protective of the Paladins. “Are you?” she returns, and he takes that as a sign to elaborate.

“Shiro,” he clarifies, exhaling the Black Paladin’s name in a sharp exhale.

Her eyes blink quickly, unfocused for a moment, before returning to his eyes. Her mouth opens as if to interrupt him, but she holds her words back to listen first, shaking her head out of her thoughts.

“Yes?” she urges him.

Lotor’s voice lowers. “Well, is he doing well?”

Her eyebrows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that… well, it seems like he has some _unresolved_ issues,” he explains. “He’s very testy with you and the rest of the Paladins, don’t you think?”

She frowns a little. “He is,” she agrees, then modifies. “He _has_ been.”

Lotor watches her think to herself for a moment. She looks sad, a little lost, maybe. He steels himself.

“Do you trust him?” he finally asks, bluntly. “He’s been a little off, hasn’t he?”

She averts her eyes, crossing her arms. “You don’t know Shiro.”

She always gets like this when talking about the Black Paladin. Shiro this, Shiro that, but whatever Shiro, she carries a half-dazed look on her face like she’s trying to rationalize things that aren’t cogent.

He doesn’t know completely what the deal is between the two of them.

He doesn’t know if he even wants to find out.

His mouth twists. “I know I’m not the right person to be asking these questions,” he quickly says, looking off to the side. “After all, you never had reason to trust me either…” Then he adds softly, “And maybe you still don’t trust me.”

Allura’s eyes widen. “What?” she breathes. “No.” She tries to meet his eyes. She sighs. “Of _course_ I trust you.” She takes both his hands in hers.

His heart skips a beat. It always does when she does things like this.

“We didn’t start off on the right foot, I agree,” she says. “And I know that I was unforgivably hard on you when you first joined us.”

“That’s alright. I understand where I come from.”

She shakes her head. “No, _I’m_ sorry,” she apologizes. “I judged you by your father’s actions, and I know now that I was incredibly wrong to even think you would take after him. I’m sorry I was that way, and I regret that how I treated you has made you feel this way even up until now. If there is anything that I can do to reassure you that I fully and completely trust you, please tell me. You mean a lot to me, Lotor, and I think we can change the universe together. I believe it.”

He looks down at their hands, interlinked between them. His thumb traces circles on the back of her hand. “I am very fortunate,” he says. “I don’t know if I would have been so benevolent if I was in your place.”

“Well then, you clearly don’t realize how much you have done for me,” she replies, offering him a bright smile. Her smile falters when she returns to the subject. “And I apologize. You were trying to tell me something about Shiro, and I didn’t even let you start.” She sighs. “I suppose he’s a bit of a sensitive topic for me.”

“I know,” Lotor replies gently.

He wants to ask more about her history with him, and he wants to tell her all things that he’s noticed about him, but he bites back his tongue.

Right now, his relationship with the princess feels so thin that anything he says could break it. And her connection with Shiro is so strong, so _close_ , he doesn’t even want to compare. He doesn’t compete.

And it’s frustrating, so utterly frustrating because he loses if he doesn’t tell her, but then if he tells her, he loses _her_. So what can he do aside from keep one eye open for her?

“I worry for you,” he finally says.

She smiles. “I can take care of myself.”

He forces a returned smile. “Don’t hesitate to call on me if you need me,” he reminds her.

“I will.” She leans forward to embrace him. “Thank you for caring.”

“Always,” he replies, an unnatural heat rising to his face.

He hopes she doesn’t notice how fast his heart is pounding. He would be happy staying here forever in her arms, and for a moment, he can forget all about the chaotic mess that the universe is in — even as he senses the Black Paladin’s aura close by and watching.

His arms tighten around her.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i admit i'm still obsessed with voltron. sigh.
> 
> you too? hmu:  
> tumblr: ahumanintraining  
> twitter: napsbeforesleep


End file.
